


Not Okay

by afteriwake



Series: Don't Know What You've Got Till... [6]
Category: CSI: NY
Genre: Broken Danny Messer, Canonical Character Death, Depressed Danny Messer, Episode AU: s02e23 Heroes, F/M, Facial reconstruction, Flashbacks, Last Conversation, Love Confessions, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Danny, POV Danny Messer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-23 19:52:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18156302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: Now...now, it was just too late.





	Not Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Long sections in italics are a flashback to what I speculate their last conversation could have been.

He knew everyone knew her death was hitting him hard. They just didn't know _how_ hard. He saw her as often as he could, sneaking moments when he could to call her, to see her. She'd been more to him than just a friend for months now.

They'd...their relationship had always been complicated, always had an element of...

She'd told him once she was out of his league. Apparently, he'd moved up from the minors to the majors in her eyes and not only was he _in_ her league but she had made him the star attraction. Things had gotten...

He couldn't finish his thoughts. Not when it came to her. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

He took a deep breath, then he took another. He knew his eyes were probably moist so he swiped the back of his hand across them, just to be sure.

_"So, Messer, what do you think?"_

_"I think this is probably the best date I've been on that I didn't have to pay for."_

_"It's because I fed you, that's why."_

_"No, it's because..."_

_"Because what?"_

_"Never mind, Aiden."_

Since he saw the reconstruction, since he saw Aiden's face looking at him from the screen, he just felt...lost. She wasn't a cop anymore, she wasn't supposed to be the one that got killed. Not her. Not like that. No...

He'd tried to talk to her about the whole thing, and she'd grinned at him, shrugged it off. If he'd gotten really insistent she'd do something to distract him. He was asking questions that she didn't want to answer and to shut him up...she'd do something.

God, he should have pushed. Should have made her open up. Badge be damned, he would have helped her. If he'd only _known_ he would have had her back, been there...helped her...

Tears threatened again and he knew if he kept thinking about her he was going to lose it and that just couldn't happen, not at the labs. Not now. God, not now.

_"Come on, Danny, tell me!"_

_"You know how whiny and immature you just sounded?"_

_"Well, you're keeping a secret."_

_"I am not. I just can't figure out how to tell you something, that's all."_

_"Danny..."_

_"What?"_

_"You know I love you, right?"_

She hadn't meant she was in love with him. Whatever had happened between them, it was love, but it was nowhere near the same as being in love. Partly because he was the type that ran from commitment before he saw it coming, and partly because she wanted to be the independent woman she'd always been.

She knew she held a special place in his heart though. That wasn't going to change, whether they were just friends, something more than friends, something...else. No, she was special to him. And that comment had confirmed he was special to her, too.

God, he didn't want to deal with this. Not now. He needed to put on that brave front he'd been wearing the last few weeks, since Louie and Sonny and all that, and walk back into the labs and just try and move on.

But...

_"Yeah, Aiden, I know you love me."_

_"And?"_

_"And what?"_

_"Jesus, Messer, you can be such a jerk."_

_"You know I love you, too."_

_"Yeah, I knew that."_

_"You just wanted to hear me say it, didn't you?"_

_"Girl's got to have a highlight to her day, you know?"_

If he'd known that would have been the last conversation he'd ever had with her, he wouldn't have been such an ass. He wouldn't have given her a grin and a quick kiss and made a promise to hook up with her for dinner the next weekend.

No, there's a lot he would have done differently.

Now...now, it was just too late.


End file.
